The days are numbered..

And so the day i dread is finally here.. My boss decided to drop the bomb.. I am no longer needed in the company.. What other choice does he have.. The problem with a small private company and the boss that is in trouble with his personal debt..

Its funny how i wasn't screaming in my head "THIS IS UNFAIR!!" ..

I guess i knew it will come but still i wasn't prepared.. Just early this week i had told my sister it would be me that will have to leave next.. True enuff!

I left my boss' office with a teary eye.. but nothing gonna change.. i continued crying at my desk silently.. thinking what job to take up next.. being 4 months pregnant, i know it would be difficult to land myself a job immediately.. broke the news to my dearest Sham, it just adds on to the mountain of stress that he is facing.. just when the eyes are all dried up.. it came to mind, CPF! my house repayment.. OH SHIT!!!

another round of crying ensued.. now i am totally..... in deep shit!

The - On hold..

During this period, everything was put on hold.. I became selfish and put myself first..

The last 6 weeks has been challenging, though it is my second, I am still struggling with the nausea.. I had stopped cooking for my husband.. I had stopped preparing his meals.. I had cut down play time with my dearest son.. I had spent all my weekends at home laying around the house doing absolutely nothing..

That was how lazy I got.. Like as if the nausea isn't enough, heartburn came last week.. I'm hugging the toilet bowl more that I hug my husband.. Its the same case with the 1st, I couldn't stand being near my husband.. Yeap! He is going thru tough time, AGAIN with the 2nd one..

Oh god, please give me the strength to get thru this again..

The - Laziness..

All I wanna do is lay in bed and watch TV.. Yup! To lay in bed and not doing anything.. That include not going to work..

I have not been cooking for the past 1 month.. I have not prepare any food for my dearest husband.. Guilty yes.. But i have a reason to be away from the kitchen at this moment..

Hopefully the sensitivity to smell gets better soon.. Cos i am truly sorry for my husband who has to eat takeaway for the past month.. I'm sorry baby!

The - Headache..

It has been 3 weeks of weekends that I stayed home.. 3 freaking weeks.. 6 weekends..

The slightest smell of anything nice or anything bad gives me the headache.. Liquids makes my tummy upset.. Walking too much gives me the headache.. Travelling to much gives me the headache.. Being driven gives me the headache..

I hope this phase will be over soon.. Cos I can't wait to gobble up on sushi!!!

The - Self reminder..

I have to keep reminding myself that nausea is good and i should be grateful and insya'allah i can do this!

The - Second..

Lethargic, cranky, tired, lazy..
Been feeling under the weather lately..
Been waking at 3.30am since Friday morning..
Been head banging at my desk after lunch time (this is a very rare case of sleepyhead)..
Food doesn't taste good anymore..
My feet are icy cold (even with the air-con in the office at my corner is off)..
Nothing seems to be going well/right..

But above all, I thank Allah for the rezeki that he has given.. Alhamdulillah..

The - Simple gesture..

What I need..
Hug + 'Are you ok?'