The days are numbered..

And so the day i dread is finally here.. My boss decided to drop the bomb.. I am no longer needed in the company.. What other choice does he have.. The problem with a small private company and the boss that is in trouble with his personal debt..

Its funny how i wasn't screaming in my head "THIS IS UNFAIR!!" ..

I guess i knew it will come but still i wasn't prepared.. Just early this week i had told my sister it would be me that will have to leave next.. True enuff!

I left my boss' office with a teary eye.. but nothing gonna change.. i continued crying at my desk silently.. thinking what job to take up next.. being 4 months pregnant, i know it would be difficult to land myself a job immediately.. broke the news to my dearest Sham, it just adds on to the mountain of stress that he is facing.. just when the eyes are all dried up.. it came to mind, CPF! my house repayment.. OH SHIT!!!

another round of crying ensued.. now i am totally..... in deep shit!

The - On hold..

During this period, everything was put on hold.. I became selfish and put myself first..

The last 6 weeks has been challenging, though it is my second, I am still struggling with the nausea.. I had stopped cooking for my husband.. I had stopped preparing his meals.. I had cut down play time with my dearest son.. I had spent all my weekends at home laying around the house doing absolutely nothing..

That was how lazy I got.. Like as if the nausea isn't enough, heartburn came last week.. I'm hugging the toilet bowl more that I hug my husband.. Its the same case with the 1st, I couldn't stand being near my husband.. Yeap! He is going thru tough time, AGAIN with the 2nd one..

Oh god, please give me the strength to get thru this again..

The - Laziness..

All I wanna do is lay in bed and watch TV.. Yup! To lay in bed and not doing anything.. That include not going to work..

I have not been cooking for the past 1 month.. I have not prepare any food for my dearest husband.. Guilty yes.. But i have a reason to be away from the kitchen at this moment..

Hopefully the sensitivity to smell gets better soon.. Cos i am truly sorry for my husband who has to eat takeaway for the past month.. I'm sorry baby!

The - Headache..

It has been 3 weeks of weekends that I stayed home.. 3 freaking weeks.. 6 weekends..

The slightest smell of anything nice or anything bad gives me the headache.. Liquids makes my tummy upset.. Walking too much gives me the headache.. Travelling to much gives me the headache.. Being driven gives me the headache..

I hope this phase will be over soon.. Cos I can't wait to gobble up on sushi!!!

The - Self reminder..

I have to keep reminding myself that nausea is good and i should be grateful and insya'allah i can do this!

The - Second..

Lethargic, cranky, tired, lazy..
Been feeling under the weather lately..
Been waking at 3.30am since Friday morning..
Been head banging at my desk after lunch time (this is a very rare case of sleepyhead)..
Food doesn't taste good anymore..
My feet are icy cold (even with the air-con in the office at my corner is off)..
Nothing seems to be going well/right..

But above all, I thank Allah for the rezeki that he has given.. Alhamdulillah..

The - Simple gesture..

What I need..
Hug + 'Are you ok?'

The - Referral

Today isn't a good day.. Went to the clinic and got the referral letter to the hospital.. Earliest available appointment is on the 26th March.. So from now till then I could only pray and hopefully it is not cancerous..

The registration and waiting to see the doctor takes up abt 3 hrs, and seeing the doctor takes abt 10 mins.. grrrrrr..

Came home and heard a bunch of moronic comments made from someone called "family".. But that doesn't mean all families are like that, at least not mine.. Lunch date with my sisters to ease the stress..

The - Pain

I am bothered by this pain that I'm experiencing on a certain part of my body.. I am definitely worried and the pain has been there for 5 days.. the pain isn't excruciating but the thought that it could be something dangerous worries me much.. so i am making my way to the polyclinic tomorrow morning.. hopefully its nothing to be worried about..

My lil monster has been missing 4 days of school.. Firstly it was the sore eyes.. Then came the viral fever.. Hopefully he gets better soon cos mummy is worried sick!

Happy 2 years 6 months baby!

1. 

The - Letter to the husband..

Dearest ♡,
Its 3.45am and I am wide awake.. Firas woke me up at 3 to change his diaper and he wants me to cuddle him to sleep.. it hit me..
When was the last time you cuddle me in bed?
When was the last time you came to hug me?
When was the last time you initiate a date?

I had stopped my sneaky morning cuddle at your side of the bed cos you would still be too deep in your sleep that I got ignored most of the time..
I had stopped complaining abt missing your hugs and cuddles cos I hate being called a nagger..
I came to realise I became a mother to both you and Firas.. Firas gave me more hugs than you did hence I shud be thankful for that..

The - Flabbyness

So, I have people telling me how I am steadily gaining weight and truthfully I am aware of that.. Since my forte is procrastinating, I haven't been able to get my ass to go lose some fats!

Waking up early to prepare breakfast or to pack lunch is already hard.. waking up an extra hour on top of waking up early to prepare or pack my meals would be even harder lah! Aftet calculation I have to get up by 4am to squeeze in morning run and preparing meals.. that's a horrifying number don't you think?

Let's try to make it work.. btw, i drove up to Melaka this morning.. Been up since 3.30am and driving alone in the early morning and without a co. driver was extremely painful to the sleepy eyes.. had my in laws with me plus my helper so my elder monster had to ride up instead..

I don't expect any return when I sincerely made up my mind to help or do them a favour.. but a simple 'Thank you' could actually make me feel that its worth the pain of having only 2.5 hrs of sleep and waking up at 3.30am.. cos right now when the house is dead quiet, I am alone awake too tired to close my eyes..

The - Surprising daddy in KL

My older monster has his team retreat to KL from 22nd Jan to 24th Jan.. He wants me to go but due to limited leave dates available I wasn't able to go, its 3 work days for me..
Knowing how much he had wanted me to be there, I made special arrangements to surprise him in KL.. Book a flight for me and my little monster for the 23rd, made the necessary hotel booking and brave myself for the virgin flight with my lil monster.. Surprisingly my lil monster was well behave but the budget flight was awful..
Made booking for Tiger Airways to KL and it was an awful, awful experience.. I was a bit hesitant to drop them the feedback but after consulting a few close peeps I was told to go ahead with the complaint.. so here is what I wrote to them:

" It was announce & stated on the placecard which the crew was holding: "Passenger with Board me first pass, family with infants, family with little children are to board the plane first.." Could you clearly define that? 'cause even with my 2 and half year old toddler I was denied entry first as I did not purchase the board me first pass.. To my understanding I would fall under the "family with little children"- no? By the way, there were only a family of 3 whom purchased the board me first pass (I was right behind them when I was denied entry)
I know putting on seatbelts are compulsory during take off and landing.. my son fell asleep on my lap nearing to landing.. Your cabin crew was prolly just doing his job telling me to put my sleeping son back to his seat to buckle him up (he said its for my safety and my son safety).. no matter how many times I told him I won't hold Tiger Airways responsible should anything happens during landing with my son on my lap, the crew was very persistent that I should put my son on his seat.. I did as I was told and what do you expect from a sleepy cranky toddler, he started screaming and wailing.. Thanks to your crew who seems very pleased with his achievement on making me put my wailing son back to the seat.. No apologies received for that inconvenienced caused and he walked away right after I buckle up.. I had a backache after landing as I was leaning towards my son seat trying to comfort him and who fell back to sleep during landing with his head banging on the arm rest.. I swear we both would be damn comfortable if my son would have continued sleeping on my lap and if we were to be offered the infant seatbelts which I could fasten to mine - do you guys not have that? I wasn't offered 1 during that situation..
After landing, with a sleeping son on my arm and 2 small bags I actually have the brain to exit the plane last cause I did not want to hold up the plane exit with my slow walking.. I dropped my son's pillow at the exit of the plane, in front of 2 of your crew near the plane door, none of your cabin crew offered help to pick it up.. I had to squat and pick it up myself.. Did I say I was carrying my sleeping child on my arm and 2 small bags? I have no idea how your crew was trained.. Am I expecting too much of a service when I am only paying SGD116.00 for 2 flight ticket? I would appreciate your answers.. Please enlighten me.."

That was my feedback for my departure flight Tiger Airways.. And below is my feedback for my return flight, AirAsia:

" I made reservation for my family of 3, husband, 2.5 year old son and myself..
While doing web check-in, I was surprise that my seat was being separated from my husband and son.. I was given Seat at row 15 while my husband and son were in row 17.. Who separate the child from their mother? Or is that how you gain RM6 for choosing of seats? I was told by Jeremy (your Live Chat officer) it was your policy to give priority to other passenger to choose their seat.. Neither of our given seats were special or with extra legroom and FYI, while doing WCI only a few seats were occupied.. Could you kindly explain why my seat was separated when I made the booking under 1 transaction. Please kindly explain."

Seems petty? I need to know why they separate me from my son.. I have my rights to know right?? No? You tell me lah..

Btw, KL has always been a food haven for me.. Loves KL!!

The - Goondu Taxi driver..

I must be skinny lah!

That morning, to drive, I have to climb in via the passenger seat.. And I find it thrilling.. Stunt thrilling.. Even my 'lil monster find it amusing and was laughing at his mummy! =)

Speaking of thin, I have a couple of people who said I look meatier (wonder if i am sexier.. hmmm) MUAHAHAHHA! I was petrified when I saw my photo at my bestie's wedding.. I look GEMOK! My one and only sister said its just a bad angle.. I knew it wasn't the angle's fault.. It is just me, meatier. Full STOP! 

No, I have no issue on plus size.. My mum & my sister are plus size ladies and I love them to bits.. Being a 'lil heavy makes me feel more lethargic.. makes me lazier.. I get tired easily.. And I know that is just not healthy.. So I am trying to do some exercise and hopefully to maintain a healthy weight.. 55KG? 

The - Bowel problemo..

Constipation is something which is common to me.. Maybe my digestive system isn't working well.. I dunno and I refuse to seek medical help.. 'cause i don't think its serious.. What works for me to be able to s**t daily is, a cuppa milk before i leave for work followed by apple for breakfast and then carrot juice at 10am.. 10 minutes later I'll be heading to the toilet.. It works all the time lah! Natural remedy..

The - ...

Adding another point to my new year resolution.. To never drive on the 1st lane baby..

That November speeding causes me 8 demerit points and I am left with only 4 points.. And I was issued warning on the 30th December for speeding AGAIN! That December speeding could have caused me 4 demerit points.. To get another 4 points I would have left with 0, NIL, ELEK! And 0 means my license would be revoke.. Wonder if its only the driving license (Class 3, motorcar) that would have been revoke or my other 3 motorcycle license (Class 2A, 2B & 2) would be affected too? Its scary mary lah! So I have decided to stay away from the 1st LANE!

Its the 9th day of school and my lil monster has skipped 3 days of school.. All 3 for fever..  He did well for his first day for not crying when we left him, but the other days that we sent him, he had cried the moment he enter the centre..

OH! My cousin is in town.. And it was my first meeting with my nephew.. Here's Nathan..



Nathan is 2 months younger than my lil monster.. And its my first time meeting him! CUTE KAN??

Work has been busy.. A lil busy and I am coping well.. =)

The - Patience Level LOW!

Today was all about errors, mistakes & waiting.. It was only midday and my patience level was near rock bottom..

So yes everyone bound to make some mistakes be it in work or in life.. my dearest colleague seems to be making mistake all the time it gets on our nerves that we gave up on him.. yeap gave up! No amount of nagging or constant reminder could improve his work hence, the 'GASAK KAU LAH!' (I had to stop here otherwise I'm just gonna start cursing..)

Ibu came home last Saturday.. She went for Umrah 2 weeks ago.. She had been sick upon her arrival at Jerusalem.. But Alhamdulillah no major sickness just cough and body ache.. Love the jubah that she got for my lil monster:



Spent my Sunday at home.. Manage to cook for moi husband Sambal Goreng: #practicemakesperfect



Then cleanup my lil monster shoe cabinet, my baby outgrew these:



That was my Sunday.. A pretty laid back Sunday I must say.. =)

The - Firas 1st day of school

Something which I dread.. Firas 1st day of school.. Like every other mummy, at home, I already have to share him with his grandma.. Now school! Can you imagine how many friends he will make and soon his he will be busy with his friends.. I think I am just being paranoid!




After dropping him at the centre then it began to sink.. My eyes start to well up and yup, I was the one who was crying not the son.. My husband had his anxiety attack too he had his diarrhea this morning.. It seems like the baby is a-ok but not the parents! Nonetheless, I hope he'll be a good son, a good friend & a good student in school.. Insya'allah Amin!

It's 2014 so I decided to let go of my 2 years old Crocs.. And welcome my new pair of Vans.. 1 thing I love about my job is that my boss doesn't care what we wear to the office, what matters most is the quality of his worker.. So a pair of jean + new pair of rasta vans + volcom shirt to the office!



So let's work this!

The - Last Tuesday of 2013

Bonus will be in after 2pm and something which I need to learn and make sure it sink into my head is.. Whatever money that doesn't belong to me, I should not be keeping it even if it was credited into my account.. For example my bonus.. ._.

Due to the over/careless/reckless spending throughout my 2013 I have to pay my dues and so there goes my BONUS! (I have to learn to blame myself). As much as I wanna whine and curse about how broke I am, there is absolutely no reason to, cause I am the one to be blame.. So fret not, insya'allah I try not to be reckless with my monies in 2014..

Its the End of 2013 and its NYE.. Resolution:

* Learn to save up
* Treat my eating disorder
* Be a better Muslim
* Lose that 10kg
* Stay healthy

Basic. Simple.

* Get pregnant (Insya'allah)
Missed out on that one..

HAPPY NEW YEAR peeps!!

The - Last Monday 2013

Its the last Monday of 2013.. Rode to work instead.. The car needs to go to the workshop today.. Instead of whining, I should be grateful, alhamdullilah it decided to fall ill in December where 'BONUS' is just around the corner..

We took the public yesterday.. We put our best footwear out!



Vans for the family!

And so.. last year, I did not set out any resolution 'cause the previous years I have trouble meeting up with my set up resolution.. but the year turn out pretty good to me.. this year, I think I may need to set up some expectation/resolution.. Starting with the most common/basic one: Savings.

Saving and me just doesn't seem to work hand in hand unless its something which I had sign up with the bank and it requires me to deposit a certain amount monthly.. That I already have.. what I wanted is a free-willing saving.. solely by me.. that I have trouble with.. but insya'allah I can make this work.. So lets just start with that!

The - Initial

The thing about starting a blog is that one has to be active in updating the blog.. but I'm not.. and i'll try to change, insya 'allah..

I've had like 2 previous blogs which only a couple of my friends knew existed and I had taken them down 'cos I had whine too much and maybe its just that I had exposed too much about others which I shouldn't have.. I feel wrong or maybe sinned is more appropriate..

I'd decided I need a blog as a journal.. so that in future my kid/s will know more about me.. it could be a life lesson for them too.. insya 'allah..

I have no intention to make this private or to announce to the whole wide web that this blog exist.. for those who stumble upon this, I am ok with that..

So, let me slowly bare myself here, literally..

As of today..
- I am 29 years old
- I am married to a man whom loves me more than I love myself
- I am a mother of 1 handsome son who is 2 years 4 months old
- I love to cook but too lazy to clean up
- I love my amazing house which me and husband design (the layout of course)
- I am a simpleton
- I have a very good relation with my ibu (mum), ayah (dad), my elder sister, and my younger sister & brother
- I am trying to get pregnant
- I have 2 BFF who promised to grow old together with
- I put my little family on top of everything else
- I am a working mummy, as much as I want to be a SAHM, its kinda difficult with the living cost in this little city continue to rise
- I love to read but just couldn't find the time
- I procrastinate
- I and trying hard to lose that 10kg of weight gain after giving birth 2 years ago
- I am almost penniless

In life, family comes first and everything else can be at the bottom.. At this moment, the above is the current me..

The only constant thing in life is change. - (I saw this on Alia's website)

change  (chnj)

v. changed, chang·ing, chang·es

v.tr.

1.

a. To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word.

b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden.

2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: change places.

3. To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category: change one's name; a light that changes colors.

4.

a. To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch: change methods; change sides.

b. To transfer from (one conveyance) to another: change planes.

5. To give or receive the equivalent of (money) in lower denominations or in foreign currency.

6. To put a fresh covering on: change a bed; change the baby.

v.intr.

1. To become different or undergo alteration: He changed as he matured.

2. To undergo transformation or transition: The music changed to a slow waltz.

3. To go from one phase to another, as the moon or the seasons.

4. To make an exchange: If you prefer this seat, I'll change with you.

5. To transfer from one conveyance to another: She changed in Chicago on her way to the coast.

6. To put on other clothing: We changed for dinner.

7. To become deeper in tone: His voice began to change at age 13.

n.

1. The act, process, or result of altering or modifying: a change in facial expression.

2. The replacing of one thing for another; substitution: a change of atmosphere; a change of ownership.

3. A transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another: the change of seasons.

4. Something different; variety: ate early for a change.

5. A different or fresh set of clothing.

6.

a. Money of smaller denomination given or received in exchange for money of higher denomination.

b. The balance of money returned when an amount given is more than what is due.

c. Coins: had change jingling in his pocket.

7. Music

a. A pattern or order in which bells are rung.

b. In jazz, a change of harmony; a modulation.

8. A market or exchange where business is transacted.

Phrasal Verb:

change off

1. To alternate with another person in performing a task.

2. To perform two tasks at once by alternating or a single task by alternate means.

Idioms:

change hands

To pass from one owner to another.

change (one's) mind

To reverse a previously held opinion or an earlier decision.

change (one's) tune

To alter one's approach or attitude.

I've been struggling to change.. to be a better person.. insya 'allah I will..

And I hope I could start with the help of this blog..